Am I a Control Freak?

I will be completely honest with you all, I am not very good with handling surprises.  It’s the part of me that likes to be in control that doesn’t help in this area. When we are invited to a meal at someone’s house, I will often feel the need to know as much about it before hand as I possibly can. Hubby often gets drilled with questions such as, “How long will we be staying?” and “What will they expect of me?” before we go out for a visit.

And, while I definitely didn’t grow up this way, I find that it is easy for me to either semi-panic or completely shut off when I get put into a situation I am not ready for.  I am finding that it is also hard for me to have spontaneous visitors, or even to go do something spontaneously.  Some of that is due to my struggles to find my place in this German culture and some of it is trying to make up for things in the past.

Now, you may ask what all this has to do with this blog?  Well, I’ll tell you.  If there is one thing I am coming to realize with this pregnancy, it is, that one can NOT have everything planned out!  You can do what you can do to get as ready as you can be, but at the end of the day most of the circumstances surrounding the whole process, from the beginning stages all the way through, are not controllable!  According to the ultrasounds and the doctor we are having a baby boy, but, it isn’t 100% for certain because ultrasounds and doctors have been wrong before.  My due date is January 2nd, but everyone knows that babies tend to not pay attention to due dates.  I plan to have a natural birth, and that is also something I can only be so prepared for because one never knows what type of labor they will have, or how long it will take, or if there will be complications or… and the list could go on and on.

Then, even after the baby is born, the list of things one can’t control still continues.  Will it be a healthy baby, will it sleep a lot or will it be fussy, will it spit-up a lot or just a little, will my back be able to handle holding the baby for long periods of time or will I be in constant pain…?  All these things plus so many more, and there is no way that I can control them at all.  I can just do my best to be as prepared as I can be, and pray that God gives me the grace to handle the rest!

Yes, I do tend to be a control freak about certain things, so maybe this is one if the ways that God is using to teach me that I can’t control everything, and that there are some things I need to learn to trust Him about, some things I need to just learn to take as they come regardless of whether it goes according to MY plan or not, and through it all to make the best of each new situation and thing, and find ways to enjoy it!!

So my motto for this pregnancy is, “Be as prepared for everything as you can be, but don’t to try to control everything!”

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